Slightly edited version of a note I posted on Facebook.
Dear Lord,
It's been a very, very long time since I last wrote You a letter. Thank You for this day and all the other days You've given me. It's a shame that I didn't bother to thank You for most of those days, so I'd like to take this opportunity to thank You and give You praise for the gift of life You've sustained in me for nearly three decades now.
Thank You, Lord, for protecting and strengthening my parents in the roughly 273 days during which You crafted me in my mother's womb. There are many ways for a pregnancy to go wrong, but Your mantle of protection covered me even before I was born into the world. You knew my parents' desire in their hearts for a child of their own; You listened to their every prayer, and You responded with the kind of love and faithfulness that reaches to the ends of the universe and transcends all human understanding.
Your love prevailed as I took my first breath on that February afternoon. You watched over as I grew up, gifted me with skills and talents through which I achieved great things, not to brag about them but to serve as manifestations of Your glory, and encouraged me in times of trouble. You strengthened me in times of adversity, hindered my enemies from prevailing, and established my paths even as I tended to chart my own.
Your love prevailed even as I veered away from the course You have set. As I grew up, I began to reduce You to a mere system of legalisms, barely made an effort to know You beyond what I've been told and much less to serve You wholeheartedly, and ventured into worldly pursuits that I became mired in for years on end. My heart grew cold, my spirit weary, and my mind weighed down by frustration. At times I tried to hide from You in shame for what I had become.
Yet Your love pursued me. Your love prevailed.
You have taken me on an amazing journey, one in which more of Your character was revealed to me with each passing day, one in which I experienced the overwhelming reality of Your love and faithfulness even as I did not deserve any of it. I am but a tiny speck in the vastness of the universe that You created, yet You chose to save me, take my broken pieces, and make me whole again. It boggles the mind trying to figure out how an immensely powerful and glorious God, who's got everything figured out, would care so much about me and pursue the little mess of a young man that I was. On this journey You taught me the meaning of faith, hope, love, and grace. True to your promise, You've never left me. You've listened to my every prayer, and spoke whenever I needed You to come through. You came into my heart, filled me with Your Spirit, and I will never be the same again.
Lord, You know my heart's desires. You've got everything figured out while I'm still figuring out adulthood, yet for the longest time I chose to struggle with the wheel than let You take it. I know that You have great plans for me and that the course I'm on is the work of Your mighty hand. I may not understand how the pieces fit together, but troubling they may be, I'll find comfort in Your sovereignty and presence in my life. Thank You, Lord, for the hope and peace that I have in You. Fill my heart with Your love, and fill me with Your Spirit - the Spirit that gives life, establishes my paths, and provides the strength to fight sin and resist the schemes of man and evil. Strengthen my body and spirit so that I may serve You and be an instrument of blessing to others. Continue to write my story, and make me a living testimony of Your goodness, faithfulness, and wonder.
As the psalmist declares, Your goodness and mercy surely will follow me for the rest of my life. Have Your way in me, Lord, and grant that I may live every day of my life for Your glory. The road ahead may be long and winding, but I will not be daunted, for I know that I'm never alone. My hope is in You, Lord, and I give you all the glory and honor and the highest praises. In the mighty name of Jesus, my Lord and Savior, the Author and Perfecter of my faith, my Strength and Shield, my Shepherd.
Love, JM

Ten thousand.

I’m not supposed to write about LIS (library and information science) for the next few months, but because of all the throwback photos I’ve come across in my Facebook feed recently, I feel I just have to write this. This is an inevitably long essay; sorry about that.
Like most new entrants (excluding shiftees) to the UP School of Library and Information Studies, I had no intention to pursue library school or become a librarian in the future. All of my life I wanted to become an engineer; I’ve always had an inclination towards building things that work. When it became clear that I couldn’t get into an engineering program yet, I came up with a fairly simple plan: treat my one year at the SLIS as a bridge of some sort, avoiding any form of attachment as much as possible, and shift out to the College of Engineering, only at which point I’d say my college life would truly begin.
That plan never materialized. I was put off by the idea of having to stay for at least another year in school, and I was starting to become attached to the people and the environment of library school. After much coaxing I joined an organization called the UP Future Library and Information Professionals of the Philippines, or UP FLIPP for short. This particular collective of students prides itself in its advocacy—the promotion of LIS in terms of its nature and supposedly increasingly important role in today’s information society. For seven semesters I was of those kids doing just that in whatever way we could —posters, videos, exhibits, talks, and a full-blown annual congress. The central ideology had remained the same: libraries and librarians have evolved significantly thanks to technological advances, and it’s about time to break the long-standing stereotypes associated with them.
This was an advocacy I carried along as I spent my first two years out of school working at an academic library. Unlike most librarians, I was almost solely concerned with IT infrastructure and systems. The server rack was my bookshelf, the hard drives and other storage devices my books. In those days “you don’t look like a librarian” was a compliment; I used to get that a lot. I gave a total of three talks, two on an information display system I developed for my undergraduate thesis and one on managing the library’s learning commons, and since the first one I expected blank faces among the audience, perhaps from LIS practitioners who never thought that my line of work could be considered librarianship.
<img src="https://res.cloudinary.com/mkrlwebsvrcontent/image/upload/v1629622393/vertis/content/posts/make-lib-awesome-1_xeabb8_unogkk.jpg" alt="" />
Amid the compliments and laudatory remarks I got from other librarians and even people outside the profession, I started to ask myself an important question I think all UP FLIPP alumni should ask themselves: Have we made that much of a difference? Has all the collective effort brought librarianship to where we’ve always wanted it to be? Has the profession, at least in the local setting, undergone the overhaul we have been so enthusiastic in preaching about, or have we spent years merely giving it a fresh coat of paint?
I’ve encountered a few people whose view of the profession would suggest that the UP FLIPP has somehow succeeded. In one social gathering I got to have a short conversation with AG Saño, who’s well known for his “Dolphins Love Freedom” murals. He asked about my educational attainment, and upon telling him I earned an LIS degree his face lit up and went on to talk about how librarians excel at something computer scientists, according to him, suck: organizing and making sense of information. Some people at the company I currently work at consider LIS as a broader discipline that encompasses IT or are at least curious about what librarians do nowadays.
But this is no reason to become complacent. Yes, we have managed to turn the once-looming threat that was the World Wide Web into an integral tool for learning, empowerment, and better service. Yes, we have somehow been able to give people outside the profession a fresh perspective on librarianship. But what about the underlying mechanisms that would enable the profession to take on new forms and new roles? Have we worked enough on that?
I believe that promotion merely for the sake of raising awareness of what libraries supposedly are now is, for what it’s worth, a symptomatic solution— a solution to a symptom of a problem rather than the problem itself. I believe that the problems that plague Philippine librarianship—insufficient ability to innovate or at least adopt new technologies, low regard by most people, and the tendency of library school students to shift out and graduates to pursue non-library careers— are mere manifestations of a system of issues that, in my opinion, poses a threat much greater than disruptive innovations: the reluctance to evolve.
The Fifth Law of Library Science, as SR Ranganathan put forth, is that the library is a growing organism. A growing organism constantly adapts to its environment through changes to its behavior, taking on new forms and capabilities as seen fit. Given this nature, common sense would tell us that libraries, and librarianship for that matter, are expected to evolve as new innovations bring about new ways of doing things and render obsolete old ones. Thus it would be imperative to constantly adapt library educational programs to changing trends not only in technology but also in the way people create, organize, and consume information. It would also be imperative to transform libraries such that they can continue to serve their patrons effectively, and to provide enriching career opportunities to future generations of librarians in the process.
I am greatly disappointed to realize that after all the hype surrounding the supposed “new librarianship,” the same problems trumpeted to have been mitigated time and time again throughout my college life actually persist. The veneer of technological savvy tries desperately to mask the collective hesitation to embrace innovation, it turns out. Certain undergraduate subjects, I have observed, continue to be taught in the exact same manner as they were taught seven years ago despite notable changes and developments that have come since, and while a curriculum overhaul looms over the horizon, we have yet to see notable changes in how these courses are taught. LIS graduates who chose to pursue specialized tracks such as information systems still tend to pursue non-library careers, perhaps because there isn’t a lot of libraries in the country that can offer the kind of learning and professional growth they need. The “information technology” part of the licensure exam for librarians, which happens to be more a list of quiz-bee questions than part of a professional assessment, continues to have the least weight despite its increasing importance. Much has been said about the RDA, the new cataloging standard that replaces the beloved AACR2R, but little has been said about integrated library systems, the implementation of which is a must for a successful transition. Heck; most of us haven’t even mastered our MARC tags yet.
It turns out that as we preach with so much ardor the supposed transformation of Philippine librarianship, a lot of those among us continue to cling desperately onto the familiar and convenient, having little consideration for the need to evolve, and worse, paying lip service to progress. There are and will continue to be librarians who, despite the mounting pressure to adapt and evolve, would continue to confine themselves in their narrow view of the profession and weigh down the rest of it by perpetuating a culture of stubbornness. This is, in my opinion, a greater problem than the “image problem” we’ve been trying so hard for years to fix, and a problem perhaps as great as the World Wide Web was when it posed a threat to libraries and librarianship decades ago.
<hr />
So what’s in it for you, kids? Or rather, what must you do now?
The first step is to recognize that a change of culture within the profession is needed before we can even start promoting. You don’t join organizations like the UP FLIPP to promote idealized librarian personas or libraries that only exist as drawings or a mix of ideas. You don’t brag about something you don’t have, and you don’t advertise something that isn’t so. Remember that the image we put up as a profession is a reflection of our culture and the ways by which we perform our duties, and whatever perception other people may have of us is a product of what we are. Remember that you are supposed to sell a profession, not a vision.
The second step is to get other people within the profession to move along, to ride the waves, rather than the other way round. Give the stubborn ones a compelling reason to ride it. The world’s an ocean, and we’re all swimmers; either we swim along or we stay put and sink to the bottom. And I’m not necessarily talking about old people here; I’ve met some old librarians who are enthusiastic about recent developments in LIS, and they’re a delight to talk with. In fact you don’t have to worry about them as much as you should about the younger ones, those who are still a long way from retiring. Start with your network; the rest will likely follow.
The third step is to keep the engine running. Among your ranks will rise gamechangers, disruptors, innovators, and educators—people who have the power to influence others and will pass on the torch of progress on to those who come after them. Turn persistent stubbornness into persistent innovation, and make sure it doesn’t stop. Inspire when given the chance to. Teach when you have time (and the patience) for it. Share what you’ve learned; whenever you do, you help not just another kid but the rest of the profession as well. And when their turn comes, the cycle will repeat itself.
Lastly, don’t be afraid to speak your mind. Challenge conventional wisdom if you must, albeit in a respectful manner. Stand up for what you believe will move Philippine librarianship forward, and don’t let the archaic “usapang matatanda” mentality get in the way. Ours is a smart generation. We aren’t afraid to question prevailing opinions or practices. Keep it up; your profession badly needs that.
And one more thing: never fall into the trap of thinking of innovation, or technology for that matter, as an assortment of buzzwords. It takes more than having the latest gadget or being up-to-date with recent tech developments to be passionate about it, and it doesn’t take a geek to appreciate it. Wearing glasses, talking about how awesome the new iPhone is, or mindlessly stringing tech terms together like “dynamic high-performance automated adaptive document semantic analysis and cataloging system for standalone computer systems and other electronic devices” for your thesis title wouldn’t make you any smarter or more innovative.
<img src="https://res.cloudinary.com/mkrlwebsvrcontent/image/upload/v1629620715/vertis/content/posts/make-lib-awesome-2_i9cs2n_g2jhsj.jpg" alt="" />
This essay is a result of three years of careful thought and observation. I may have gotten things right, and some of you might prove me wrong on certain matters; I’d love to talk more about this with an audience some time. Nevertheless I believe that the state of the world today—the global information society we have now—presents a golden opportunity for librarianship to reclaim its role as an engine and a steward of knowledge and an instrument of empowerment for many, just as libraries of the past have helped spawn people who changed the world in one way or another. Just as we managed to pull ourselves through the onslaught of disruptive innovation, we should be able to turn things around and get moving. My hope is not for all of librarianship in this country to become high-tech—let’s face it; it wouldn’t be that easy—but I believe that everyone would be better served by a librarianship that evolves with the world around it.
Make librarianship awesome.

Making librarianship awesome.

<h2 id="aquicknote">A quick note</h2>
The essay you are about to read was never published. I wrote it in 2013 as a follow-up to <a href="https://makiroll.net/sablay">"Sablay"</a>, but I never got to post it for some unknown reason; it ended up buried in my archives until I found it in mid-2020.
As those who know me personally know very well, I ended up leaving librarianship in 2014 to pursue a career in technology. Nevertheless, this essay offers a glimpse into my hopes, dreams, and frustrations as a librarian.
<hr />
Two years ago I wrote an essay about graduating college and starting a career. This would be the long-overdue follow-up. This is quite a long read; please excuse me in advance if you find it boring.
I graduated library school in 2011 still undecided on a definitive career path to take or even something to do for the rest of my life. I did not want to become "just" a librarian, confined to a library and doing things librarians are supposed to do; I wanted to be a different kind of librarian - I wasn't sure how different I'd make it but it definitely had to do with technology. When faced with the need to take the board examination I was greatly hesitant; despite my initial plan to pursue computer science and work for the IT industry, I decided to take the test anyway - but primarily for the sake of not putting four years of library school to waste. We know what happened [link to LLE results], but there were times when I felt I spent too much effort on something I thought wouldn't mean much.
My venture into library science was almost purely accidental, honestly; it was recommended to me as a second option when I applied for the UPCAT. I was aiming to become an electronics engineer; my father and grandfather are both engineers, and I spent much of late childhood and early adolescence dreaming of designing and building electronic stuff for a living. An appreciation of technology and innovative thought ran in my blood; as a kid I often asked my parents to buy me electronic toys, which I eventually took apart to learn how they worked. For a few months I turned an empty drawer in my closet into a little electronics "lab" where I taught myself science concepts that had yet to be discussed in class. I always marveled at humanity's capacity to invent and looked up to people whose efforts led to the things we now take for granted, and I wanted to become one of them given the opportunity.
I loved technology simply because it was cool.
But I ended up not becoming an engineer; instead I became part of a profession that has been hard at work reinventing itself for decades, if not centuries, and with greater effort since the introduction of the World Wide Web at least. Librarianship had to deal with two things: the threat posed by the Internet and innovations in information and communications, and the popular image associated with librarians in general. It impresses me how libraries manage not only to remain relevant but to introduce new ways of serving information to their patrons; for me it is enough proof that librarianship isn't as archaic as I used to think, and at the same time an assurance that my heavy inclination towards technology won't be wasted. I got to work for an academic library as a different breed of librarian; the server rack was my bookshelf, computers were my books, and the various information systems I worked on were perhaps analogues of circulation processes as far as exchanging information is concerned. I was proven wrong in thinking that systems development was a behind-the-scenes job; I spent considerable amounts of time helping users find the information they need and encouraged them to try out front-facing systems before I deployed them.
I must say, my experience as a librarian added a human dimension to my appreciation of technology.
As I went along, my idea of technology became less about awesomeness or "wow" factors, and more about it being a tool for empowerment, development, and fulfillment. People invent things to, first and foremost, address a particular problem, necessity, or desire. The mobile phone was invented to enable people to hold conversations wherever in the world they may be. The Internet was invented to facilitate information exchanges among interconnected computers and devices. Social networking services were invented to serve as bridges between people around the world, allowing for rich communication and better collaboration. Technology drives progress; it moves humanity forward. As a Web (and eventually systems) developer I looked at my work as simply harnessing the power of technology to serve a purpose; but as it turns out that the true value of my work is in its ability to enrich the lives of the people my solutions were built for. I found fulfillment for MakiTV not in the fact that I've managed to build it, or that it ran fine in the course of my research; I found it in the faces of library users at EnggLib who would spend at least a minute watching whatever was on our installations there and how delighted student organizations were when they learned they could have their events announced for free.
This "next chapter" of my life has turned to be a soul-searching journey.
I find the "managing information resources" definition of librarianship too limiting, and I hated to think of the profession that way. Sure, it's about getting, organizing, offering, and eventually getting rid of information resources, but I think it's not about the materials themselves. My vision of a librarian is a professional whose primary objective is to make information work for people. His or her job is not merely to look up nuggets of information and serve it as it is written; he or she makes use of the technologies at his or her disposal to add value to it, to pass it onto the patron in such a way that it entails great value. With this orientation, I believe that the librarian can be driver of individual progress, and libraries can in turn become engines of human progress.
I strive to be this kind of librarian—an innovator, a technologist, an agent of empowerment.
I have decided to direct my efforts towards two things; first, to become recognized as an innovator not just for myself but for the whole of librarianship; and second, to inspire younger generations of librarians to be innovators in their own right through mentoring and guidance. I would like to find new ways to help librarians deliver information more effectively to patrons, and solutions to further enrich learning experiences libraries are meant to provide. I would like to lend a hand in placing the library at the center of the information society through my ability to leverage the power of technology to create bridges between people and information. I would also like to infuse an innovative discipline among future librarians and information professionals, to inspire them to become catalysts of learning and individual development by embracing what's new and creatively crafting solutions for better information and learning.
I dream of a world where libraries would be seen as engines of human progress, and librarians as agents of empowerment. There will definitely be challenges up ahead, and while this dream may not come into fruition in my lifetime, I would be honored to have contributed to this cause in whatever way I could. I would like to represent a new kind of librarian, one who would take information stewardship to a whole new level and ultimately redefine the profession.
This is my mandate.

Mandate.

Originally posted on 12 September 2012, after <a href="https://twitter.com/y4it/status/245343193208594432?lang=en">delivering a tech talk at the 10th Y4IT congress</a> on digital signage and libraries.
I left the stage yesterday morning relieved that the talk went through without a hitch, and at the same time disappointed with my failure to engage the audience. I was talking about one way to reinvent how libraries inform users in the most techy manner I can imagine, but they all seemed to be in state of collective “meh.” In contrast, the audience at Joomla co-founder Johan Janssens’ talk seemed so engaged that the Q&amp;A time became more of an interesting discussion on programming languages than the expected dead air.
Was it because I didn’t wear jeans? Was my presentation too plain and monographic? Was my voice monotonous? I spent the rest of the day thinking about how challenging it was for a librarian to take the stage in a congress where participants expect to hear about software development, programming, and other advanced computing topics. It seemed as if I, a librarian by profession, had no place in it. Not even for someone whose job would probably better fit the common description of an IT person.
Which brings me to one of my frustrations as a librarian. I spent four years in library school hearing professionals and students alike preach the “good news” of 21st-century librarianship - digital, dynamic, and engaging. Ideas such as “librarians are at the center of today’s information driven society” and “it’s about time that librarians turn techy” have been abound and were repeated endlessly throughout every single gathering of library professionals I’ve been to. And yet, outside the field, people still tend to conjure the same image of a librarian - anold-fashioned, boring, book-stamping and shushing folk who does nothing more on a computer than type documents, if he or she would ever use a computer at all. It’s as if the students yesterday expected me to be “ho-hum” because I had to be introduced as a librarian.
Most people, including a lot of librarians themselves, think of the profession as being concerned with safeguarding records of knowledge and history. My view tends to deviate: I think of the librarian as someone who makes information work for people by constantly seeking and building solutions to do just that. This is why I attended Information Systems classes and overworked on projects while all my peers went elsewhere. It’s a philosophy I’ve carried over as I entered the professional world; at work I spend all my time on a computer working on things ranging from video presentations and signage designs to websites and apps. I’m a librarian; that’s what I do.
A lot of librarians, besides myself, would probably want to align themselves with this view as well. Preoccupied with reinventing themselves and the field in its entirety, more and more library professionals see technology as their salvation from obsolescence. Computer literacy has become a life skill, and the ability to create solutions with it a much-prized skill. I think library people deserve a more important role in the information society than what is being given to them, not just being guardians of human heritage but also being an indispensable driving force for innovation and empowerment - the library as an engine for progress. 
So, are we getting there? Saying “maybe” would do the profession injustice; it’s definitely a yes. Libraries on Facebook and Twitter? Already happening. Developer librarians? I’d love to be a living example. Such achievements are much celebrated within the field, but looking outside it and as yesterday’s talk made me realize, much still needs to be done. For one thing, the Information Technology subject, with its mostly trivial questions, remains to have the least weight in the licensure exam, almost as if being insignificant.
Perhaps I’m becoming impatient and increasingly frustrated. I am convinced that venturing into “other” realms such as IT is the right thing to do, yet I feel burdened by the image chained into my identity as a librarian. I never knew it would be difficult gaining momentum and engagement in a realm where people tend to deem people like you obsolete and irrelevant.
The new librarianship. We’re getting there, but we’re not quite there yet.

Not quite there yet.

I had this dream just a few nights before my last birthday.
It was early in the afternoon, and the professor had just dismissed the class. Everyone in the room - around fifty, though the classroom was built for probably just around forty people - was busy packing up and heading out to the hallway. Some would proceed to their next classes, while others would go elsewhere around campus to spend their free periods or perhaps call it a day and head home. It must have been at the SLIS - all I could remember about the place is that the classroom was at the far end of the wing, at the topmost floor, and the staircase was in the middle of the building. The hallway seemed unusually bright though, as if it were lit by daylight.
Like everyone else, I packed my bags and prepared to leave for my free period. I wasn't going home yet; perhaps I was just gonna stay at the library or have a snack. There were more people in the room than it was designed for - several minutes have passed yet there were still a lot of people inside. Everyone seemed to be in a rush to leave - except me, perhaps, as I continued tidying up my stuff without giving time even the least care. Everyone hurried to the door, and as a result just getting through it became a struggle. "Let them all go out first," I thought, resigning to be the last to leave if it meant not struggling just to get out.
I had my sights set at the door soon after zipping up my bag when I saw a classmate of mine, a girl in a wheelchair, barely moving as everyone else crowded around her. She was trying to make her way out, like all the others, except that she could barely get closer to the door because no one seemed to notice her. No one cared to part to let her get through, not even the guys. I found it strange that she seemed invisible to everyone - she seemed to be a nice girl, and she was quite attractive despite her small stature. Looking at her I couldn't help but wonder why people - especially the guys, perhaps - could afford to ignore her. Then I figured out that I could do better than just watch and wonder. I had to do something, despite the fact that we barely knew each other. I didn't even know her name.
Thoughts of how people might see my intended gesture started filling my mind, but I ignored them as I walked towards the girl. I immediately grabbed the handles at the back of her wheelchair, and started to push gently towards the door without a word. She knew someone was already pushing the chair for her, but she didn't care to find out who that person was. I didn't have to tell everyone to make way - they just did, and in a few seconds we were already at the hallway. Then, a brainwave: If I bothered to get her out the door, I might as well go all the way and help her get out of the building. And so I did. Without a word I started pushing the wheelchair along the hallway, looking straight ahead and into the people I happened to pass by. She didn't seem to realize at first that the wheelchair was already moving - she grabbed the wheels and started spinning it. "Ako na," I told her, and quickly she tucked her arms towards her body. Perhaps it was my way of saying "Hey, I'm here to help you out. Let me handle it." She wanted to turn her head around and see whoever was pushing the wheelchair for her, but she couldn't.
As we made our way to the staircase, I was thinking, "Do I like her?" Well, I must say that I was at that time compassionate for once. I rarely offered to give people a hand - it was unusual for me to do so. I had reasons to admire her - she was clearly my type, but I chose not to think of it (or anything related to it), perhaps because I thought she would be quite difficult a person to deal with. Then I started thinking about what people would make of my actions, considering that I was for a time known in the studentry for my "moves" whenever I happened to hit upon some girl, and just as I was thinking about that I happened to pass by two elderly women - SLIS professors, most probably. They looked at me, and I couldn't help but notice the smirk on their faces, as if saying "how nice of you" or perhaps "we know what you're up to." But then I thought, "Heck; I don't care what everyone thinks - what matters is that I'm helping this girl out." Not because I like her, not because I pity her, but because I can and I want to. Simply put, it was my choice.
After two minutes or so we reached the staircase. I happened to push the wheelchair too close to the edge, so I pulled it back, then took a deep breath and looked at her, asking her to wait as I called some of my friends to help me carry her downstairs. I started wondering what she might be thinking - she was quiet the whole time. I couldn't see her face straight because she never looked straight at me. I had no way of knowing how she felt; I didn't consider asking her for some reason. Then she started weeping - I knew right there and then that she was completely aware of me being there for her. I didn't know what the tears were for; all I could think of was that she probably never expected anyone to come to her aid out of the blue. I knew I had to comfort her, so I sat by her side, near the edge of the staircase, held her hand, and asked why she was crying. She just kept looking blankly ahead, tears falling down her cheeks. I've never done such a thing before, but I just felt the urge to, and it felt great; it was perhaps one of the very few moments in my life when I felt most… human. And it felt great not merely because I liked her, but because I never knew I could be so kind to other people, and I was doing something I knew God always wanted me to do. That's all that mattered.
I spent the next few minutes asking and asking, until she started speaking. She didn't answer my question adequately - all I could understand of her utterances was "kasi." She stopped crying, and it didn't take long for us to pick up a conversation from there. We spent the next several minutes just talking as if we've known each other for quite some time, despite that I only got the chance to know her at that moment. She seemed to have eventually forgotten about going downstairs. We were just there, talking and enjoying each other's company, well until I woke up and realized that it was just a dream.
Whenever I'm reminded of this dream I wonder if I can in actuality be so nice and persevering, if I can ever care for someone so much, if I can ever be willing to come to someone's aid even if it means having to make sacrifices. It was perhaps a reminder of what I live for, where life revolves on, and the only thing that'll ever matter at the end of the day.

Ako na.

Thinking of things to say about graduating takes me back to the last few weeks of summer vacation in 2007, when I spent my idle time walking around my room and looking blankly into the window while trying to imagine the kind of life I would have in the next four years. Maybe I would get to be more sociable, considering that I didn't have much of a social life in high school. Maybe I would be able to do something really cool, like take part in an interschool competition like I did in my senior year in high school. Maybe I would find that girl who would sweep me off my feet.
Let me enumerate my plans for college, as they were back then:
<ul>
<li>Shift into Engineering after a year</li>
<li>Maintain a GWA of above 1.75 - in other words, strive to be at least a College Scholar all the time</li>
<li>Do more extracurricular stuff</li>
<li>Do something cool and try to earn recognition for something</li>
<li>Be more sociable</li>
</ul>
Have I managed to turn these plans into reality? Well, to some extent, yes. Except of course for number one, which, to be honest, I regretted a few times before. Because of number two experimentation with GE subjects was never an option, as I had to make sure that the subjects I took were easy enough and the professors were generous in giving grades. My membership in a student organization is a testament to number three. For number four, it's probably obvious. And for number five, well, I must say that it was during my college life that I actually became part of a barkada (as popular definition of the term goes).
What sets the past four years from the four years before it, aside from the fact that they involved different sets of people, places, and things, is that when I graduated high school I only had the latter half of it to think about. I wasted my first two years in high school doing very little when I could have done much more. It was a mistake I dared not repeat during my college life, and so I took every opportunity to "do something cool", to try to stand out, and simply to make the most out of those eight semesters. And sure enough, my efforts paid off.
Another thing I kept in mind as I went through my college life was the need for me to be more sociable. That's one of the reasons I joined an organization after not much encouragement, and perhaps why I always looked forward to the first day of classes, mainly for the prospect of meeting new people. I tried to be friendly, though at one point I became so afraid of people that I retreated to my shell. That didn't stop me though. I remember my English teacher back in high school telling me that there is nothing wrong with befriending people. It took me quite a while to understand that, but thinking of all the friends I made just in the past four years, I can say that I managed to have some sort of social life this time.
And as for doing something "cool," maybe the coolest thing I managed to do these past four years is be really good at multimedia arts. The video thing was not in my agenda, and I really wasn't expecting myself to be so engrossed in it. Yet that's exactly what happened. I managed to earn recognition for it, and now one of my problems is figuring out the most effective way to train younger students on video production.
So much for plans, now for the "remarkable" and "dramatic" stuff.
One thing I find remarkable about this whole experience is that all my hard work - including the extraneous ones - paid off. For days I couldn't help but pick up my thesis from the shelf, flick through the pages, and ask "Man, I wrote all these?" Which reminds me of the moment when Martin told me who the other nominees for Best Thesis were - I thought, "Man, there's no way in hell that I'm getting that award, given those contenders." I never wanted it, I never asked for it, yet it came.
The past four years have been about changes, mainly. Changes in how I and the people around me think, speak, act, and work. It is these transformations, in myself and in the people who have touched my life in one way or another, that somehow added color to those eight semesters. I watched my friends as they grew up, and they watched me grow up as well. And this afternoon we marched on, being the well-rounded individuals we have managed to become. I could enumerate all the changes in my personality and way of thinking, but that would take too much time (and bytes) so I'll just leave it at that.
As I walked into my seat this afternoon, it was as if a videotape was rewinding then fast-forwarding in my head. Images of the past four years flashed back as I glanced on the maroon and green hues of my sablay, from the moment I first set foot on campus as a bona fide UP student, right to the very moment that the revered fabric was draped over my shoulder. There's no denying the fact that I'll miss life in UP - I'll miss spending my idle time at the library, having meals with friends, engaging in oft-nonsensical chatter with them, embarking on IKOT and TOKI "joyrides", many things - even arguing with people over almost anything. I may not feel it much now, but it'll definitely come back to haunt me some time in the future.
Later this day it all became clear to me that indeed this was it, especially when Albus Dumbledo-- I mean, the UP President, conferred our degrees and I flung my sablay around. "Parati ninyong sinasabi sa akin, mag-aral ako nang mabuti. Yan, nag-aral na ako nang mabuti!" (You always told me to study well, so I did!) That's what I told my mother many times. In the coming years grades will no longer matter. There will be no more CRS and long enrollment lines to worry about. Life shall no longer be a matter of how much I learn from my teachers, but rather of how I use what I learned in the past eighteen years not just for my own good but for the good of others as well. That's my new challenge - to prove my worth as a member of society, armed with the knowledge I have acquired through the years and the wisdom brought about by numerous experiences, both good and bad.
Now I'd like to express my deepest gratitude, first to our Heavenly Father, for without Him virtually none of these would have come to exist.
To my parents, for their unconditional love, support, and encouragement for being patient with me and never giving up in the toughest of times and when I sometimes became so stubborn. I believe that one reason I managed to become the best I can ever be is that I have the best parents a guy can ever have. To my dear parents, your twenty years of hard work have finally paid off.
My sister, for teaching me the true meaning of patience and responsibility.
My mentors - teachers, professors, and coaches - who believed in my abilities, imparted their knowledge and wisdom, and guided me along the path to what I have become. They are the very reason I have so much respect for educators; my success is theirs as well.
My relatives, for their love and support, for being there to boost my morale and lighten up my mood whenever I became too engrossed in academics or some other hard work.
My friends - orgmates, my BRO barkada, etc. - who have always been there to cheer me up and give me a boost whether or not I actually needed those, and simply for being great friends. You, guys and gals, are proof enough that I am not as socially inept as I used to think.
And all the people who made the past four years colorful and memorable, thank you so much. There are a lot of you that if I had to enumerate I'm surely gonna skip some; you know who you are, anyway.
For all the memories, for all the moments - laughter, sadness, and everything in between - and everything that came to be in the past four years, a million thanks.
On to the next chapter…

Sablay.

Typhoons are a fact of life for Filipinos. Every year about twenty storms pass through the country, some of which wreaking havoc in huge parts of Luzon and sometimes Visayas. There were the great storms: Milenyo, Reming, Frank, and others which caused billions of pesos in damages and killed hundreds. And then there was the tandem of Ondoy and Pepeng. Unlike the great storms of the past that blew the hell out of roofs, Ondoy and Pepeng dumped so much rain that it caused catastrophic flooding in northern and central Luzon. Rice fields became fishponds, vehicles floated in the floodwater, and when it was all over the locals of Marikina and several other cities hardest hit by the floods found themselves shovelling mud off their homes. Just imagine dead pets and refrigerators dangling from the power lines, malls and other structures standing amidst what appears to be the open seas, and cars flipped over. As we say in Filipino, walang sinanto. Both rich and poor suffered from the wrath of the two storms, and as of these writing a lot of places are still flooded and many public schools are full of evacuees.
One remarkable thing I saw during these tough times is the use of social networking and blogging sites to spread vital information and ask for help. Universities have taken the initiative to start relief efforts. Many people posted images and videos, some of which were aired countless times by local TV stations. For several days I actually found myself reposting whatever information I got from trusted sources. Calls for missing people, calls to pray for those who were hardest hit, those things. Facebook, for some time, turned from a haven of procrastination to some sort of information center. Now that's what I call proper use of technology. Unfortunately some people were either misinformed or downright bored. As expected, panic messages spread like H1N1—about the local electricity provider shutting down substations, cracks in the San Roque dam in Pangasinan, and Pepeng being a Category 5. People can't be blamed for being so nervous about the storms, though.
While the storms sent torrents of floodwater rushing towards communities, it is also in these tough times that we get to witness heroism (case in point: Muelmar Magallanes) and what we call bayanihan—being there for your fellow countrymen in times of need. This probably won't be the last time that our country will experience such a disaster—the weather is becoming more and more unpredictable. But when the next big storm hits, people should be better prepared.

Typhoons, Facebook, and panic.

Originally posted on 20 September 2009. Rather embarrassing, but others may find it a somewhat fascinating peek into the mind of a frustrated 18-year-old who didn’t know better.
Nothing shouts FAIL more for a guy than screwing things up at the approach stage. Here are nineteen steps on how to do just that.
<ol>
<li>First, look easily intimidated. Don't care about your masculinity. It would be best if you think of answers for next week's homework than anything else.</li>
<li>Don't mind being clumsy. Chances are this will be your first time to approach a girl you find attractive. Just be clumsy. Put on your cap, take it off, then put it on again. Walk around in circles - back in forth, if you wish. If you're with friends, tell them that you're going to the comfort room then walk away. And as you walk, get as close as possible to the girl you're going to approach - and before she notices your presence walk away and to the nearest comfort room.</li>
<li>And when you're finally in the comfort of the comfort room, just get your hands wet. It's not necessary for you to relieve yourself, anyway. Just turn on the faucet and wet your hands. Chances are there's no soap, so you should be done in a matter of seconds.</li>
<li>So you're out of the comfort room and back in the open. Go back to your previous spot - via the same route you took on the way to the comfort room. Listen as your friends tell you to go for it - and laugh at the sight of you acting so strangely. Punch the wall. Hit your head on the wall. And then…</li>
<li>Go back to the comfort room. Once you're inside, repeat step 3. After that, go back to the pack. Don't say anything to anybody. Sit beside the girl if there's enough space. But before doing that you…</li>
<li>Ask the girl if someone's seated on the spot you wish to sit on. Speak in a manner that'll make her just shake her head and say nothing. Maybe she'll murmur either "yeah" or "no". In most cases the only thing you'll get is a slight shaking of the head.</li>
<li>If she answers no, sit beside her. Now don't say anything to her - not even get her attention by calling her. Just be as calm as possible, but don't be afraid to show how frantic you are.</li>
<li>Grab a gadget from your bag or pocket. A laptop isn't advisable, but go ahead if you want to. Get your hands on your cell phone or portable media player. Push a bunch of buttons. Pretend that you're using the device when in fact you're just playing with it. It's fine even if you're just making the screen's backlight turn on.</li>
<li>When you're bored with your gizmo, cross your arms on the desk and slam your head onto them, as if crying or going to sleep. Don't worry; this won't get the girl's attention.</li>
<li>Tired of being beside her? Stand up without hesitation, and look at your friends who'll probably be watching you nearby. They'll ask you to sit back down and stay where you are. Heed their advice… for now.</li>
<li>Wait a minute or two, then repeat step 10. But this time ignore your friends. Don't listen to them. Don't even look at them. Go back to the comfort room, or go somewhere else.</li>
<li>Chances are your friends will run towards you and pull you back to the scene. Tell them that you're giving up. Resist them, and then walk away.</li>
<li>When you're about 250 meters away from the girl, head back. Get as close to the girl as possible. Walk around in circles. And when your friend offers a proper introduction, reject it.</li>
<li>Just be frantic for the next five minutes or so. The girl will eventually get tired of being where she is, and she'll think of leaving. At the slightest hint of boredom on her face get out of the scene.</li>
<li>Walk a few meters, then head back. The girl will probably be standing and on her way out.</li>
<li>If that's the case, walk right behind her - beside her if you can. Continue looking frantic. Overtake her if you can. Just don't say a word.</li>
<li>Finally, it'll take at least 30 seconds for the whole situation to penetrate the depths of your right mind. Once you regain your sanity, you'll realize how much of a FAIL you are. Self-pity sets in. Frown for the rest of the day - and beyond.</li>
<li>Once you get to a computer, log onto the social network of your choice and post status messages or blog posts about how much of a failure you are. Your buddies will surely come to comfort you.</li>
<li>Whenever you talk to your friends either personally or online, tell them that you simply suck at approaching girls and you'll probably just pursue priesthood in the future - or be a bachelor for the rest of your life.</li>
</ol>

How not to approach girls.

Uncertainty "kills", but it's also what makes life exciting. Any human being who's old enough to make good sense of his/her world must have already experienced the tension that uncertainty brings. We don't know for sure what's going to happen in the future, and there's no way of knowing it. Yes, some outcomes may be defined by the laws of nature, but not everything that happens in one's lifetime are certain. Yes, if I drop a ball from a certain height, I can be certain that it will hit the ground. But I can't tell exactly how a lot of things will turn out. I'm not gonna give examples, but hopefully you get my point.
Uncertainty is perhaps the thing that worries me most. There are a lot of things in my life that are somewhat uncertain. There are a lot of questions which I seek answers for, yet I cannot find any. I wish I knew everything. I wish I know what people are thinking right now. I wish I can ask them right now the questions I'm dying to ask them. But I can't because I wasn't given such abilities. I can't help but bite my fingernails in anxiety each day and think about what might happen. It may be because there are certain things I don't want to experience again, and that's why I'm careful. I'm very careful not to mess things up and suffer again. I'm very careful whenever I think of the possibilities and I try as much as possible not to expect anything because I don't want to get disappointed in the future, though whether such disappointment will actually happen or not remains yet another uncertainty. I often hear the advice "Leave everything to God," but my fears keep me from doing just that. It's just that I'm very careful not to do the same mistakes again.
Leave everything to God. That's what the DJ always says on the radio on Sunday mornings. I remember one thing I learned from Rick Warren's A Purpose-Driven Life. Yes, there may be some things I may have the options for, but much of my life—or should I say ALL of it—rests in God's hands. Yes, I may have suffered. I may have gotten through heartbreak, but I've gone through them and I'm proud to say that I have moved on. Yet I feel so afraid whenever I see the possibility of another heartbreak, and I try my best to avoid any situation that may lead to it. But heck, I made it through countless disappointments and heartbreaks. Why won't I be able to go through another one?
And there's probably another reason why uncertainty just has to exist. I remember saying in a blog before that without feeling both happiness and sadness life is hell boring. Uncertainty, I think, is another thing that adds color to life. It's what makes us excited. It's what makes the world go round. Imagine if we all knew what was going to happen to us. We'll be like pre-programmed machines. There would be no excitement, no color. Life simply won't be, well, life. Uncertainty makes us move on with our lives, and no matter how uncertain the future may be, we have no choice but to face it with courage.
I'm bored so I'm trying to be profound. Have I done a good job?

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