20 October 2008

Uncertainty "kills", but it's also what makes life exciting. Any human being who's old enough to make good sense of his/her world must have already experienced the tension that uncertainty brings. We don't know for sure what's going to happen in the future, and there's no way of knowing it. Yes, some outcomes may be defined by the laws of nature, but not everything that happens in one's lifetime are certain. Yes, if I drop a ball from a certain height, I can be certain that it will hit the ground. But I can't tell exactly how a lot of things will turn out. I'm not gonna give examples, but hopefully you get my point.

Uncertainty is perhaps the thing that worries me most. There are a lot of things in my life that are somewhat uncertain. There are a lot of questions which I seek answers for, yet I cannot find any. I wish I knew everything. I wish I know what people are thinking right now. I wish I can ask them right now the questions I'm dying to ask them. But I can't because I wasn't given such abilities. I can't help but bite my fingernails in anxiety each day and think about what might happen. It may be because there are certain things I don't want to experience again, and that's why I'm careful. I'm very careful not to mess things up and suffer again. I'm very careful whenever I think of the possibilities and I try as much as possible not to expect anything because I don't want to get disappointed in the future, though whether such disappointment will actually happen or not remains yet another uncertainty. I often hear the advice "Leave everything to God," but my fears keep me from doing just that. It's just that I'm very careful not to do the same mistakes again.

Leave everything to God. That's what the DJ always says on the radio on Sunday mornings. I remember one thing I learned from Rick Warren's A Purpose-Driven Life. Yes, there may be some things I may have the options for, but much of my life—or should I say ALL of it—rests in God's hands. Yes, I may have suffered. I may have gotten through heartbreak, but I've gone through them and I'm proud to say that I have moved on. Yet I feel so afraid whenever I see the possibility of another heartbreak, and I try my best to avoid any situation that may lead to it. But heck, I made it through countless disappointments and heartbreaks. Why won't I be able to go through another one?

And there's probably another reason why uncertainty just has to exist. I remember saying in a blog before that without feeling both happiness and sadness life is hell boring. Uncertainty, I think, is another thing that adds color to life. It's what makes us excited. It's what makes the world go round. Imagine if we all knew what was going to happen to us. We'll be like pre-programmed machines. There would be no excitement, no color. Life simply won't be, well, life. Uncertainty makes us move on with our lives, and no matter how uncertain the future may be, we have no choice but to face it with courage.

I'm bored so I'm trying to be profound. Have I done a good job?

Cover: Emily Morter / Unsplash